WELCOME to the first issue of August, the August-September 2016 edition! This is the paper ending the three-week part of the every-three-weeks/then two-weeks paper cycle we're on until October, at which time we're investigating some other avenues of getting the news to you that will probably entail MORE papers and unfortunately, an increased subscription rate. But here's the deal: The news is out there, and fewer and fewer are covering it...and what we've learned this week is that some outlets are perfectly content to cover over certain aspects of real news, leaving YOU in the dark....and folks, we can't have that. You deserve the best...we're here to deliver.

And deliver we did, on Tuesday, two teams as usual, getting this AWESOME issue on the stands and into your hands. Get out and get it at any of our wonderful vendors...and in order to help you make an informed decision as to whether you can wait 30 minutes to take that trip into town or up the street to pick up your hard copy, or if you're just gonna have to relent and get yourself an online membership to the e-Edition, we present to you PRINT HEADLINES!

Print Headlines are what we provide after the release of every issue, and since the inception of the e-Edition, we put a link directly from the headline to the e-Edition article for your convenience. Print Headlines are presented the way they generally appear in the print edition: Front Page, Back Page (second front page), Pages 2 and 3, Features if any (generally presented on pages 12 and 13), Egypt, Heartland and Central, followed by the out-of-place Op-Ed. They are laid out by dateline first (the area of the coverage where the article took place), headline link, then a brief synopsis in our own snarky Disclosure style (which really ticked off one Crawford County granny this last issue....which means she made it into this issue!) And now, without any further ado, here's THIS ISSUE'S PRINT HEADLINES!

FRONT PAGE

POPE CO. - Amnesia strikes accused thief: You remember that we brought you the piece in early August about Kim Smith, former village of Eddyville treasurer, being toted out of her house on a stretcher. Just a couple of days later, the reason why was revealed...she had to do something to support her new defense in her megatheft case. Guess what it is....? Yep. She doesn't remember doing it. She doesn't remember ANYTHING before the day she was terminated from her job...! Imagine THAT!! I'll just bet she remembers how to driver, though...and post on her Facebook page...and how to cook meals...and who her family is...funny how selective that bad ol amnesia can be.

JACKSON/HAMILTON COs. - PNB loses big in massive settlement: Like we've said hundreds of times...just because a judge says you win money, doesn't mean you'll GET money. In order for this settlement to result in a payout, the plaintiffs and third-party peeps are going to have to go through MORE gyrations...and they've been through a lot already. Here's the first part of what they've been through....and it will continue in the next edition, available in just two weeks.

LAWRENCE CO. - Lawrence inmate's home burned by arsonist: This is the next installment in a series of articles we've been working on for awhile, checking out what we've been told by people giving us tips. Think there aren't conspiracies out there? There are. They're just not ordinarily against the people who are screaming the loudest.

SALINE CO. - Candidate lies about record, claims she was appointed judge: We don't get Molly Wilson Dearing. Her behavior in public with a married man while she herself is married and with very small, impressionable children is reprehensible. Her intentions on how to run arguably the most important office in the county involves getting rid of most of the seasoned staff and running the show herself, and she has ZERO prosecutorial experience. And she puts "facts" on her Facebook page that ...well...aren't FACTS. And the general public could find OUT they weren't facts if they did a little digging....but most people don't. That's what they count on US for.

JASPER CO. - Death on roadway: More coverage of the death of Sean Shamhart, which just the press release from ISP alone ticked off a bunch in Jasper County...this is going to send a few of those over the edge, however.

BACK PAGE

HARRISBURG - ANOTHER PROJECT BROUGHT TO YOU BY DALE FOWLER: Dale Fowler wants to be your next 54th Senate District representative. He's already screwed up Harrisburg as badly as the state of Illinois has been screwed up by the past couple of state legislatures; there's already a mass exodus out of both Harrisburg and the state; so sure, let's send this guy to Springfield! What could POSSIBLY go wrong....

EDGAR/CLARK/SALINE COs. - Mass transit district sues for proceeds from 2013: What's ChickenBob's face doing on this back-page piece...? Why, he's representing that very confused RIDES Mass Transit District who thought that what Chris Patrick did in Edgar a few years back could actually stick. Looks like everyone is about to find out that's not the case at all.

RICHLAND CO. - Heroin intoxication in deaths of "great guys": Because Duane and Dave wouldn't do smack, y'all!! They're GREAT GUYS. They'd NEVER touch that stuff! ...right. Sell it to someone who's buying it; we never did, and we're REALLY not, now.

PAGE 3

JOSHUA SPIVEY

RICHLAND CO. - Suspected drug dealer and Olney woman jailed after fight with cop following traffic stop: If anyone was wondering where problem child Josh Spivey went off to...look no further. He's still getting in trouble, this time in Olney.

PAGE 12

Contamination in Marion from strip pits? Part two of a colossal piece about how, even though the Regional Illinois Environmental Protection Agency is sited in Marion, they don't give a rat's patootie about environmental damage, pollutions, violations, etc, in that area...long as they're getting stroked by the guys they're stroking.

PAGE 13

Hardin County: Hellified roads, serious problems: A pictorial layout of how BAD the dirt/gravel roads are in Hardin County....and how authorities are ignoring the problem, and our calls.

EGYPT

Nathan Sill

SALINE CO. - Huck's burglarized for smokes and booze: Which would be somewhat amusing ("Hey bro I knocked over Huck's the other day!" "Really blood? what'd you get??" "Oh, coupla packs of Marlboros and some cans of Colt!" ".....") if it weren't for the sidebar article incorporated in this piece, "This is how being stupid with a toy can get you killed." Read it and realize: People are getting more stupid, and they're not interested in getting UNstupid. What our cops have to face in Harrisburg on a day to day basis is all wrapped up in this piece.

HARDIN CO. - Unhinged E'town father claims the devil is in him: There are some things that even Tarable Wallace can't overlook occurring in her county. I'd guess Satan is one of them.

SALINE CO. - Wanted woman busted while strolling with her Xannies: Helpful hint: When taking your Xannies for a stroll, don't behave in an unusual manner and draw attention to yourself.

GALLATIN CO. - Drug suspect threatens to shoot witness: Which seems to go on a lot in Gallatin County, come to think of it...

HARDIN CO. - Hardin County version of Hatfield and McCoy feud continues with jewelry theft: This crap involving Tina Williams just gets more and more interesting.

ELDORADO - No standoff, but scary enough in Eldorado with an unexplained errant gunshot at housing: And poor lil Mr. Ashby - another one a them thur 'great guys' - is now charged with a felony.

SALINE CO. - Eldorado teen confesses to molesting girls 6 and 8: At least Saline County has Eva Walker to prosecute those who allegedly commit crimes against little people.

SALINE CO. - Wanted woman bagged for bagging comforter: A couple of months ago, it was a guy with a giant-screen TV sitting in the middle of the road. Now, we got a chick allegedly thieving a comforter. Cmon. It's summer, fa cryn out loud....

SALINE CO. - e-Edition Xtra: Suspected doper claimed, "I'm not hiding anything under the couch": Which would be enough to make ME look under the couch...

SALINE CO. - e-Edition Xtra: Pregnant woman attacked with knife at ROC One: This was the big deal up at ROC last month on Poplar.

SALINE CO. - e-Edition Xtra: Stolen Walmart cosmetics leads to mega-pill stash: These alleged drug crims can't just leave it at that...they have to get involved in other things, like alleged the.t

GALLATIN CO. - Lame duck leaves crimes to be addressed by civil OPs: Having just pulled the files in GallCo, I can say that apparently, Allen Roe read this article. Watch for the follow up in the September Special Edition, in two weeks.

SALINE CO. - Man has short escape from ambulance after taking a recent felony charge badly: Remember the brouhaha surrounding the guy who jumped out of the ambulance in the Walnut Grove area of the county a couple of weeks back? We found out who it was.

SALINE CO. - Convicted murderer arrested in bathroom after beating girlfriend: Former mayor's daughter is the girlfriend. And she has really, really bad taste in bed buddies.

SALINE CO. - Harrisburg Taco Bell cook/convicted cocaine dealer busted with cocaine and weed: And we're surprised how, again...?

HARDIN CO. - Family seeks protection against man released from IDOC in July: It's a Hobbs thing. You might not understand. Unless you're a Hobbs.

HEARTLAND

Tim Ols

COLES CO. - Upheavals at mid-state hospitals: Personnel changes abrupt; reasons kept hush-hush: Not just the one in Coles County, but also the questionable activities at Effingham's hospital, too.

CLARK CO. - Following the $$ all the way past undepositing: It's been discovered that Charity Murphy has not been depositing all funds sent to the park district in Clark County. Idk about you, but in our experience, any time there's an issue of undeposited funds, that can mean only one thing. And I'll just leave it at that.

SLATER STIFLE

PAYTON STIFLE

CRAWFORD CO./Sullivan Co., Ind. - Stifle stooges scrap in Sullivan, Ind.: We'd like to thank the Stifles' granny, without whose interference in how we do our business we would never have known the Stifle punks got crossways with the law again, this time in Indiana.

AMANDA RAYDAWN HAYS

CRAWFORD CO. - Hershey candy assembly temp popped with pills: And so it begs the question: Is our Hershey's candy up to specs? I mean, what if she was dropping any of those alleged pills while she was on the line? Maybe had residue on her hands or something...? You have to wonder these things.

JASPER CO. - Drugs, underage drinking and property damage focus of Jasper County crim report: The typical things going on in Jasper County, minus all the four-wheeler wrecks.

CRAWFORD CO. - Pugilistic partners, bad batterers, metal knuckles: Hard month in Crawford County: The misdemeanor report. Apparently, the more these people miss it, the meaner they become.

CRAWFORD CO. - Unrelated pair from Palestine popped for possession: All alliteration aside...

CRAWFORD CO. - e-Edition Xtra: Hoosier jailed, one for burglary, one for DUI: They come across the river sometimes. I guess the traffic goes back and forth when it comes to alleged crime.

JASPER CO. - Effingham woman sentenced for writing hot checks: We don't ordinarily write about people writing hot checks...but this one was kind of egregious.

CRAWFORD CO. - Oblong woman charged with $10,000-$100,000 theft from Bertram's Pharmacy: This gal's mugshot looks like she just doesn't care. I mean, you need to click and read this one, just so you can see the insouciance.

CRAWFORD CO. - Oblong man charged with grooming 15-year-old - "Used text and Facebook": And this would be how older guys find their target audience, by hanging out where the audience does.

CENTRAL

Mychal Bush-King

CLAY/RICHLAND COs. - Child pornographer, DUI and long-distance dissolution filed between Clay and Richland: If it's going to get weird and inexplicable, add one ingredient from Clay County - Child sex offender and pornographer Mychal Bush-King - and it's sure to get uber weird.

LAWRENCE CO. - OP filed against Missus Thacker; claims she tried to get DJ to violate HIS: And this is how some people do it; they take out OPs, then do everything they can to get the other person to violate. And that's why we, as a general rule, don't like OPs.

RICHLAND CO. - Calhoun teenage sex offender fails to register: We didn't even know we had one all up in there in the vill.

Jonathan Trout, served fried. Obviously.

RICHLAND CO. - Fried Trout: Little sex-offending Jonathan out of the pan and into the methamphetamine fire: Jonathan Trout busted. Again. Did you see what we did there, with the headline...? LOL

LAWRENCE CO. - Former Bridgeport mayor's son files silly OP against ex, OP thrown out: It doesn't get much lower than someone named Schauf in the city of Bridgeport. Well, I guess it could...he could be concocting all sorts of BS in an OP.

RICHLAND CO. - Pulling woman down sidewalk by her hair lands man in jail: He was trying out for the position of cave-man in an upcoming movie, y'all. That's his story and he needs to stick to it.

RICHLAND CO. - Doper punches housemate in the nose: The violence roundup in Richland.

CLAY CO. - e-Edition Xtra: Clay City man found with meth, weed and pipe: Here's an e-Edition Xtra for you that was too good to leave languishing after we wrote it.

RICHLAND CO. - e-Edition Xtra: Doper couple charged with delivering methamphetamine: These two are at it again...?? That's what I said when I pulled the file!

RICHLAND CO. - e-Edition Xtra: Former Salem man busted for DUI-Drugs: Some people go out of their way to get in trouble in another county. Like no one will figure it out or something.

RICHLAND CO. - Fines & fees harvested in Richland as many ponder their fate with decriminalized pot now on the books: Well...sorta decriminalized. It's still an expensive traffic citation, for all they gyrations going on. This is the misdemeanor report, which we're trying to do more of...and really, some of the things people get into just leave us shaking our heads....

RICHLAND CO. - e-Edition Xtra: Multi-county miscreant facing additional drug charges: Which counties does this multi-county miscreant haunt...? You have to read it to find out!

RICHLAND CO. - e-Edition Xtra: Parkersburg woman, Olney man busted boosting at Mach 1: Which doesn't happen a LOT at Mach 1, but....it does happen.

HAMILTON CO. - e-Edition Xtra: Police handle pair of domestic cases in which victims bitten: That zombie virus makes the rounds this time of year, seems like.

WHITE CO. - e-Edition Xtra: Multi-county drug suspect punches drug convict while in jail: Told you we had a lot of Xtras...!

RICHLAND CO. - Taxpayers now feeding and watering two Bacas: Like father, like son. And all you have to do is watch the momma's Facebook page if you want to pick up on who's going to get busted next.

RICHLAND CO. - Aging doper busted for delivering weed from home: Otis Mack makes a return.

RICHLAND CO. - Dueling Orders of Protection and adults acting like Moronnials in Richland County: Which is to say...if you're a 40-nothing, and you're going to go out partying with your 50-something cousin, you should literally expect that there's every possibility that he's going to act like a 20-nothing when he gets drunk...and you're not going to remember where you put your glasses.

WHITE CO. - Grayville drug dealer/wheel man busted for fleeing from police: For as many times as John Eagleson Jr. has allegedly attempted to flee and elude police, you'd think he'd have gotten a little better at it by now.

OP-ED

SURLY & UNCOOPERATIVE (Jack): So what's the answer to local thugs inviting the public to take on the cops?
ICY (Ang): Southern exposure: Watchdogs getting raided
MINKUS INK (Bubba): Presidential Election: It's funneled down to THIS
GREYGOOSE (Becky): Careful with how you're using those quotes!

VOICE OF THE PEOPLE (letters): Wabash County hospital dude got an all-expense paid trip to Alaska?; the latest from Benton (where everyone's papers were delayed that issue... >:-[  ; Carl E. Payne says he's sorry; someone GETS the accountability issue!

BACK OVER YOUR TALES: From the pages of the August-September 2011 issue.