Well, we're in the last days of August, actually, and the release date of the current issue was August 26...but it FEELS like September, and September is right around the corner, so SEPTEMBER it is!! At least for this issue.

And here it is...the end of our every-other-week run (for now). Did you enjoy it? Did you get lots of news? Let us know. We're going to get on with showing you what's in this issue, which, as in many cases before, is flying off the shelves and we're doing the best we can to keep up with it...so get out and get one, because here pretty soon, once they're gone, they're GONE, and you'll only be able to read many of this issue's articles online at the e-Edition. Which you can access, per story, by clicking the headline link if you have an online membership to the e-Edition. Print Headlines are a way for you to know what's in this issue, and we give them to you this way every issue, starting with dateline (the place in the coverage area where the action in the article occurred), headline line, and a brief synopsis in our own irreverent style. Print Headlines are laid out in the manner they're presented in the paper: Front Page, Back Page (our second front page), page 2, page 3, features if there are any (featured on pages 12 and 13), Egypt, Heartland, Central and Op-Ed. And so now, without any further ado, here's September 2015's PRINT HEADLINES!

FRONT PAGE

One of the multitude of images that's helping move this issue FAST

RICHLAND CO. - Car crash, one left, two flee: One of the huge stories this issue that's making this one fly off the shelves: The accident that occurred on Illinois 250 and Higgin Switch Road in Richland county's kept quiet in early August for investigative purposes. Considering who was involved in it, you'll fully understand why. Don't diss our sheriff's department for not letting anyone know the specifics earlier; they were doing their jobs, and they did them WELL. When you read this article, you'll see how and where.

James E. Hayes. Is he constipated? Bulking up? Evading questioning? Who knows.

SALINE CO. - Gunshot incident being investigated: This shooting incident occurred a couple of weeks ago and then seemingly fell off the radar. Wait til you read the full details...you'll then understand why it only has APPEARED to have fallen off the radar, when in actuality...it's still simmering back there, on the back burner.

LAWRENCE CO. - Charged in fatal DUI crash; Are child sex abuse counts next? Everybody will remember when we reported on the horrific August 9 rear-end collision in Lawrence County just across the river from Vincennes. What everybody might not know is about an investigation that may have led to the alleged erratic and irresponsible acts of the driver who collided and killed another on that day. Here's the full story, and it's pretty hard to take; be prepared.

CLAY CO. - Explosion at The Ridge: Lots of confusion occurred in mid-August surrounding this story; we attempted to sort it out and presented snippets here and here. However, the full story is here at the headline link. Be sure you read it; and if you want a print version of this one, you'd better hurry, as everybody has been selling out quickly and in a couple of cases, restocked already.

BACK PAGE

CRAWFORD CO. - Tragic car crash in Crawford: A preview, as it turns out, of the big article about this incident from July that we have coming up in the September 16 edition. Don't miss it. We have exclusive pics and information.

WHITE CO. - Sex offender's pregnant girlfriend joins him in jail: So everybody in White County now knows who Jacob Holland is - a sex offender. And now, he's breeding...and now, his bad habits have carried over to his babymomma. At least they're in jail together.

Willow Long

EFFINGHAM CO. - Willow Long Memorial, two years later: A sad reminder, via feature photo, of that day two years ago when we learned of the horror surrounding the death of 7-year-old Willow Long.

CORRECTION/AMPLIFICATION: Correcting the big faux pas we had on the front page of the August 2015 issue, as well as a little one we had on page 3.

PAGE 2

The audience at last week's County Board Whiteash-themed meeting

WILLIAMSON CO. - Village in limbo has debt, water problems; county left to handle it: There was a special Williamson County Board meeting called just this morning to address this. Looks like they might have some of it under control...which might be to say, maybe it wasn't QUITE as bad as Johnston City was making it out to be...?

PAGE 3

HARDIN CO. - County's Housing Authority "One Strike You're Out" criminal policy: Is it legal? We're not asking if it is or is not okay to have such a thing. What we're asking is...with the way this thing is worded, it simply isn't constitutional. And so someone with a law degree might want to get in there and make sure that it says what it MEANS, not just what they're "hoping to get across."

FEATURE, PAGE 12

Hm. This kind of art might be why Hardin Countians are dreading this. But...No zombies will be present. We promise.

HARDIN CO. - First European-style open-air metal festival calls Southern Illinois its home: There have been quite a few in Hardin County balking about this - which is usually the case, and who can blame them, with the Juggalos having frequented the area annually for so long - but this isn't quite as bad as all that. No drug bridges, etc. Just loud music. Check it out.

FEATURE, PAGE 13

MARION - EPA Meeting/Open Burning Permit Violations by Marion Heights LLC: Just when you thought Doug Bradley couldn't get more obvious...along comes the heavy machinery out in plain sight, where he, well...couldn't get more obvious. This is the first of a two-parter you're going to want to read...because when does the IEPA do its job, and when do they just kinda casually whistle and look the other way? This will tell it...and you'd better watch out, because YOU could be next.

EGYPT

SALINE/HARDIN COs. - Anna Bixby employee takes out Orders of Protection against members of the board: The Anna Bixby crew more or less exist thanks to Stalking/No Contact Orders and Orders of Protection. However, what happens when the next OP is internal? That question isn't exactly answered here...but it makes for some interesting copy. Read it and see.

SALINE CO. - Marion man charged with attempted murder of Harrisburg woman: Apparently, no one told this Brooks guy that it would just be a really bad idea to come to Saline County and allegedly try to kill someone...Mike Henshaw don't play.

SALINE CO. - Marion Man, Rosiclare man and Harrisburg woman charged with theft: Talk about your crossovers! And the stuff they're accused of pulling...man. Short of actually picking their brains, there's no way we'll likely ever know WHY this particular circumstance ever happened.

GALLATIN CO. - Shawneetown appears to be focus of county criminal activity: Gallatin County was slow these past couple of weeks. That's okay. They needed a break after the previous several weeks.

SALINE CO. - Members of meth-connected ATV theft ring now facing additional charges; multiple weapons stolen from Rural King: If you own an ATV in Saline County, watch out. It's like every sticky-fingered vehicle thief wants it. And the weapons...? Well, just read the article to see.

HARRISBURG - No smart meter here: We like our SmartCars, we like our smart phones...but we refused to have a smart meter installed at the Harrisburg house. We sent a letter to Ameren telling them we don't want it, and they sent a tech out to tag the existing meter so that future techs won't come out and install one by mistake. So we took a pic of the guy doing just this, for posterity.

SALINE CO. - 'Rado crim who owes $12,000+ in back fines and fees busted again: They keep giving this guy a chance to stay out from behind bars and earn a living so he can PAY his fines and fees, and he keeps getting in trouble. I think it's time to shut the door on him and do a write-off.

HARDIN CO. - Hardin County prosecutor burdened by crime wave: Are we being facetious...? Perhaps. The Tara-ble truth awaits you in this article.

SALINE CO. - Galatia man charged with aggravated battery of a child after drunken beating of his nine-year-old son: The kid's old enough to tell about it. It's about time someone did something about it, before the kid's not around to TELL...which is what a lot of abusers ultimately get themselves, and their victims, into. Think Ricky Turner.

SALINE CO. - Bank statements hidden beneath panties: Hey. Get your mind out of the gutter; it's not what you think! Okay...well...maybe it IS what you think.

SALINE CO. - Daughter charged with pulling clumps of mother's hair out: They took em out of the institutions and thought they could solve the problem with "medication"...but there are some things that even THAT won't fix.

HEARTLAND

EDGAR CO. - Why is board member so scared of Bogue...& why did he lie about police background? You can always count on at least ONE Edgar County public official per issue to be dishonest. In this one, he's not only being dishonest, but he's stepping in big piles of poo while doing so. You gotta read it to see.

CRAWFORD CO. - Five-count criminal drug case puts Oblong man on the hotseat: One of the most major drug reports we've seen coming out of Crawford County in quite some time.

JASPER CO. - Altered pee and escape charged in latest Jasper County criminal files sweep: You'd think that by now, unless you have something surgically implanted, you're not going to be able to foil a drug screen (and even then, it'd be iffy.) But..determined crims are gonna try.

JASPER CO. - Jasper man charged in sexual assault: It isn't very often that it occurs in little Jasper County, but it does occur...and here it is.

JASPER CO. - DUI suspect said to be so drunk he handed police officer debit card instead of license: "Here ya go, ossifer...mah PIN number is XXXX...at least, thayut's whut it wuz (*hic*) layust tahm Ah checked"....No. It didn't quite go that way. But it brings to mind such images, yes?

CENTRAL

Will Krup and Madonna Peach

WABASH CO. - Prelims continued for pair accused of sexual assault of Indiana woman: Well, local mainstream media can't exactly overlook Willy Krup's sex assault charge...but they can pretend like it's not bothering them, by doing big feature articles on someone who's been a good advertiser for so many years. Does that work to get the public's mind off the alleged crime...? Probably not. Does it make you as MSM look pretty foolish...? I'm thinkin yeah.

Clifford Darrell. Still missing.

RICHLAND CO. - Man charged with disrupting funeral now reported missing: Talk about weird. If it's weird, though, it'll happen in Richland County. Maybe ol Durrl just went back to Salem, Oregon...?

Tim Highsmith

CLAY CO. - Mug causes grief among victims: Tim Highsmith. Look at his mug ^^^^^. Just LOOK AT IT. Then get back to me with what you think about it, since the owner of it is now the proud recipient of a lengthy sentence in DOC for nearly killing Jamey Tolliver.

RICHLAND CO. - Two-year OP granted for protection of family of trouble Olney man; voices telling him to 'kill them': We knew Tyler Leaf was a jerk and an idiot when he reacted this way when we made a typo regarding another Leaf related to him Zac, because we were tired last year. But "hearing voices telling him to kill" people...? Set down the bottle, son, and go home.

WHITE CO. - Bat attack and a broken window featured in roundup: The crimes against person/property report out of White County for just TWO WEEKS. Wth is going on...?

WABASH CO. - Battered wife, hot checks and unclothed buttocks featured in misdemeanor report: It could be worse. It could be an "unclothed hot wife battering buttocks and checking them." But then, it likely wouldn't be Wabash County. It'd be someplace weirder. You tell us what county YOU would attribute that altered headline to. We say Wayne. What say YOU?

LAWRENCE CO. - Meth-fueled car chase reaches 100 mph: Did we happen to mention that this occurred in Lawrence County...?

CLAY CO. - Fairfield doper facing extended sentence in Clay: Wait...we had a crossover that included somebody from WAYNE COUNTY...? Man, as much as we try to avoid that place...

WHITE CO. - Indiana man charged with sex crime in White County: He came all the way from Evanston, Ind., to commit a sex crime in White...allegedly, of course. But then again, the internet knows no distance, nor boundaries...and apparently, neither does this guy.

RICHLAND CO. - Olney man charged in beating of disabled woman: We are very fortunate to have a prosecutor in office in Richland who will actually charge this kind of thing now.

WABASH CO. - Allendale man suspected in debit card fraud case: A sort of an identity theft issue...but it's probably more along the lines of a 'greed' issue.

WABASH CO. - DUI suspect declares "I'm f&cking drunk!" Between the guy up in Crawford trying to hand the cop his debit card, and now this guy in Wabash being so brutally honest with police, it kinda looks like the alleged drunk drivers just need to hide their keys before they imbibe.

WHITE CO. - Enfield woman/convicted meth head charged in one-woman crime spree: The "convicted meth head" part is important; it not only explains her mugshot, but it also (sort of) explains the items that she allegedly stole.

CLAY CO. - Wandering Chestnutter and a stolen Mongoose in misdemeanor sweep: Some interesting misdemeanors coming out of Clay this issue.

HAMILTON CO. - Galatia man charged with $30,000 cash theft: Whoa. That's, like...wow...some of our federal crims didn't even get accused of taking THAT much.

WABASH CO. - Bone Gap man charged with kicking pregnant girl: Remember, ladies: If he'll kick you when the babe is in utero, after that kid it birthed he won't experience a significant change...it just gives him more people to kick.

LAWRENCE CO. - Meth cook charged in baseball bat attack: This guy doesn't know where he's from, or where he is, most of the time, apparently.

WHITE CO. - Two DUI alcohol and one DUI drugs charged in White: A bit of diversity for the DUI roundup from White County this issue.

WABASH CO. - Serial crim busted on dope charge: Hey. Don't knock those jail-size TV dinners...some of those crims LIKE that kinda food!

OP-ED

Danny K. Coston. And his beard.

SURLY & UNCOOPERATIVE (Jack): When good things happen to bad people
ICY (Ang): Of drama queens & foolers: 'Total waste of time'
MINKUS INK (Bubba): Political frignosis and the politics of... politics

VOICE OF THE PEOPLE (Letters): Says families need to know about sex offenders